FUNNY TEXT MESSAGES!!!

Here are 100 funny, witty, crazy text messages to send to your friends, enemies and family...Enjoy!!

1 A dentist married a manicurist and they have been fighting tooth and nail ever since!

2 Many a women started out playing with fire and ended up cooking over it!

3 Mosqitoes are nature´s way of fighting nudity!

4 Even if you can´t read a girl like a book, its nice to thumb the pages!

5 Nature seems determined to make us work. The less hair we comb, the more face we have to wash!

6 The best way to drive your wife crazy is to smile in your sleep!

7 More husbands would leave home if they knew how to pack their suitcases!

8 Women are smarter than men. They have figures to prove it!

9 The skirts are getting shorter and the necklines lower. I would like to be there when they meet together!

10 A divorce costs much than a marriage but its worth it!

11 A smart husband is one who thinks twice before saying nothing!

12 Business is so bad that some hotels are stealing towels from the guests!

13 Virginity is like a ballon. One prick and its gone!

14 History repeats itself because no one pays attention to it the first time!

15 Men and mice are just the same. Pussy gets them both in the end!

16 Marriage isn´t a word but a sentence!

17 When we are right nobody remembers. But when we are wrong nobody forgets!

18 The differenve between HERPES and AIDS is that one is a love story and the other is a fairy tale!

19 Never marry for money, you will borrow it cheaper!

20 What is the definition of unskilled labour? A pregnant prostitute!


21 Love is a game that is never called off on account of bad light!

22 Love your enemies. It will drive them crazy!

23 Mobile phones are the only subject on which men boast about who´s got the smallest!
24 To err is human but to blame the computer is even more human!

25 It is better to sleep on things beforehand than to lie awake on them afterwards!

26 Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die!

27 Police never wait for backup!

28 Up with dresses, down with pants!

29 Capitalism is the survival of the fattest!

30 God created orgasm because he couldn´t wait for the second coming!

31 Home is where you hang your @!

32 The e-mail of the species is deadlier than the mail!

33 A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click!

34 You can´t teach a new mouse old clicks!

35 Speak softly and carry a cell phone!

36 C:\ is the root of all directories!

37 Pentium-wise pen & paper foolish!

38 The modem is the message!

39 Too many clicks spoil the browse!

40 The geek shall inherit the earth!

41 A chat has nine lives!

42 Don´t byte off more than you can view!

43 Fax is stronger than fiction!

44 What boots up must come down!

45 Windows will never cease!

46 In Gates we trust!

47 A user and his leisure time are soon parted!

48 Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach him to use the net and he won´t bother you for weeks!

49 My wife dresses to kill and she also cooks the same way!

50 A good wife always forgives her husband when she is wrong!

51 My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met!

52 I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury!

53 The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret!

54 When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her!

55 I haven´t spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don´t like to interrupt her!

56 My girlfriend told me that I should be more affectionate. So I got myself two girlfriends!

57 Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished!

58 The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to prove it!

59 A few good quotes: 1. Nobody dies a virgin, life f*** us all; 2. I was born brilliant, education ruined me;

60 Don't drink water, fishes f*** in it.

61 A priest lost his parrot, asked during mass. Anyone got a bird? All men stood up. I mean, anyone seen a bird? All women stood up. I mean, anyone seen my bird? All nuns stood up!

62 Love is like a bowl of oatmeal; warm, mushy and good for you. Lust is like soup, it is only good when it is hot.

63 God saw your parents hungry, He created pizzas. God saw they are thirsty, He created Pepsi. He saw them walking, He created car. He saw them without problems, He created you!

64 Dying husband: I have something to tell you. Wife: Don't speak, just rest. Husband: No, I must confess, I had sex with your sister and your best friend. Wife: Sshhh. I know! That's why I poisoned you!

65 What is the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After one year, the dog is still excited to see you.

66 What is a difference between a Kiss, a Car and a Monkey? A kiss is so dear, a car is too dear and a monkey is U dear.

67 I want u... To be with me In a nice Restaurent To have candle light dinner.... & to say say those sweet three words to U.... "Pay The Bill"

68 When u get ths SMS, send it to 1 person U luv, 1 u hate, 1 u always think of & 1 u wish to kill. now keep guessing why I send it to u!!

69 U r a nice person... but..U have to do 2 things early in the morning... 1st. pray to God so that u can live.... 2nd.take a bath so that others can live....

70 In heaven together we were in a big hall. An Angel told us to write our sins before going in, but before l could start writing any thing l heard you calling for ''EXTRA SHEET''.

71 A baby monkey asked his mother"Mom, why r we so ugly"???Mom said - Thank GOD we look like this, u should see the person reading this SMS

72 Not every flower can represent love but roses did it. Not every tree can stand thirst, but cactus did it. Not every monkey can read SMS but hey you just did! Enjoy your day, and dont forget to smile!

73 Husband & wife are like liver and kidney. Husband is liver & wife kidney. If liver fails, kidney fails. If kidney fails, liver manages with other kidney.

74 Dad to Son : When I beat u how do u control your anger. son: I start cleaning toilet. Dad: how does that satisfy you? Son: I clean with ur tooth brush.

75 Dad to Son : When I beat u how do u control your anger. son: I start cleaning toilet. Dad: how does that satisfy you? Son: I clean with ur tooth brush.